Thursday, December 22, 2011

Walter the Farting Dog

I like to try to stay on the topics of running, cycling, fitness, cooking, health, and inspiration on this blog, mostly because I don't want this blog to become my platform for aimlessly rambling about my life. However, today's post is quite the exception. It has nothing to do with running (although sometimes we have to fart when we're running...maybe it is related after all!), and I will warn you to stop reading NOW if you're not a fan of bodily function humor. It was too funny (to me, anyways) not to share, and I don't think it's necessarily appropriate for my family blog that gets automatically e-mailed to my grandma when I hit "publish". So, here we go.

Andrew and I were in Barnes & Noble yesterday getting a few books for my nephew for Christmas when I came across this book:

Walter the Farting Dog, by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray.

I was immediately intrigued, so I began reading. I snapped a few pictures of some of the best pages. The book starts out with a family who gets a dog from the pound. Nobody wanted him but they took him in. He smelled, so they gave him a bath.


"Mother walked in and said, 'He still smells awful.' And that's when they got the first clue. The tell-tale bubbles in the water. 'He's probably just a little nervous,' said Mother, hopefully. 'His stomach must be upset.' But Walter's stomach wasn't upset. Walter's stomach was fine. He felt perfectly normal. He just farted a lot."


So the family took him to the vet, who clearly defines "Farting" as "rectal flatulence"...I think the next time I have gas I think I'm going to say, "Sorry, just a little rectal flatulence..." Also, I really LOVE how the artist illustrated the farting gasses in all of the pictures. Look closely, it's not the glare! It's a fart. That you can see. Amazing.


Poor Walter got farts blamed on him all the time. Sad, right?


"'He has to go back to the pound,' said Father. 'No, Daddy, please,' begged Betty and Billy. 'Don't send Walter away.' 'He goes tomorrow,' said Father. They pleaded. Walter Farted. It was all over. That night, Betty and Billy cried in their beds, and Walter looked at them unhappily. 'Oh Walter,' said Betty, 'you've got to stop farting.' 'Because Father is going to send you back to the pound tomorrow,' said Billy."

So Walter knew that he didn't want to go back to the pound so he decided that he would hold in all of his farts (as runners we know that is never a good idea...). Walter got pretty uncomfortable and he felt like he was going to explode (been there...). Then that night some burglars came into his family's house and started stealing their valuables...


"That's when Walter let it fly. It was the worst fart of his life. It made a tremendous noise and shot him across the room. A hideous cloud filled the air. The burglars clutched their throats, unable to breathe. With tears in their eyes, they raced for the window. They tried to grab their bag with all the valuables in it, but their arms were too weak. 'Let's...get...out...of...here...'"

Yay! Walter saved the day with his massive fart!! SPOILER ALERT! As you can imagine, the family was forever grateful for Walter's farts so they didn't take him back to the pound after all. Walter and his family (and Walter's stinky farts) lived happily ever after. The end.

I'll make this post somewhat related to running...
When you're on the run, do you hold your farts or let 'em fly? (Oh come on, don't pretend like you never have to fart on the run!)
If I'm running with someone I hold them. If I'm by myself I check behind me and let loose! I know, how considerate of me, right?

Check out the other books in the Walter the Farting Dog Series (oh yes, there is a whole series!):
Walter the Farting Dog: Banned from the Beach
Walter the Farting Dog Goes on a Cruise
Rough Weather Ahead for Walter the Farting Dog
Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble at the Yard Sale
Walter the Farting Dog Farts Again
Walter the Farting Dog and the Windy Day

5 comments:

  1. I have heard of that book and now I may have to get it for my kids How funny!

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  2. That is a funny book! I love fart books! I have totally not been able to hold them either walking or at the gym. The ones at the gym embarrass me!

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  3. Hilarious - I'll have to check out this series:)

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  4. I have never heard of that book or the series! I have to pick these up! That is awesome!

    I treat my gas like you do...hold it to be polite when with company and let loose if I'm alone! Nice huh?

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  5. Oh my gosh, I'm SO buying one of those for my nephew. (When I saw the title of your post I felt certain there would be a reference to your brother)

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